Meet John McCain’s new best friend: Ralph Nader (?!)

As if Obama isn’t having to deal with enough crap from the Radical Right, now he’s getting it from the Lunatic Left.

Ralph Nader on Monday was quoted in an interview as saying Obama “talks white”, and “doesn’t want to appear like Jesse Jackson.”

*sigh*

Apparently there was still room left in Ralph’s mouth even with his shoe firmly inserted. When asked to elaborate, he was more than happy:

“He wants to appeal to white guilt. You appeal to white guilt not by coming on as black is beautiful, black is powerful. Basically he’s coming on as someone who is not going to threaten the white power structure … and they love it. Whites just eat it up.”

“Whites just eat it up”?

“Whites”? He couldn’t even bring himself to say, “White people“? Do you even associate yourself with the human race anymore, Ralph?

I would expect to hear this kind of crap in a KKK meeting in a Mississippi honky-tonk circa 1968, but from you? In 2008? Say it ain’t so, Ralph…





Dear Ralph,

With this, you have lost what little respect I had left for you.

Unless you want to fuck up this election like you did for Gore in 2000, unless you want fucking McCain to win instead of Obama, please crawl back into your cave for another four years, you bitter, old, bastard.

(Lest we forget, when asked in 2000 whether it mattered to him whether his candidacy would help Bush win by diluting the Gore vote, he responded, “It wouldn’t matter. Doesn’t make any difference to me.”

WAY TO GO RALPH! THANK YOU FOR THE LAST 8 YEARS OF SHIT! HAPPY?)

If you do indeed intend to crash the Democratic convention in August, I hope someone tars and feathers your ass on-camera during one of your interviews on Fox News, or in the lobby of the hotel you’re staying in courtesy the Republican National Committee.

Instead, why don’t you stop doing Rush Limbaugh’s work for him, and just go away. Enjoy what’s left of your life, man… Go to the beach. Go get laid. Something, anything, but continuing to make a mockery of yourself and your once good name. Contrary to your own dark, private, personal beliefs, you need not offend (alienate — duh) people to get your point across.

Thank you,
Chris

‘08 is E.N.O.U.G.H.

Question: Do you know why gas costs so much?

Take your time…

No?

Well, did you know that within 24 hours of the President’s signature, the price would go down by at least 50 cents?

Said signature would close the “Enron Loophole”, which was inserted into an energy bill in December 2000. In secret. In the dead of night. Sans a word of debate.

It is what allowed Enron to screw Californians a few years ago, and now it’s allowing Big Oil to screw the whole country.

It’s estimated that without the current multi-level collusion amongst –

The Wall Street oil speculators who — thanks to the Enron Loophole — are in charge of (?!) the oil market (while blaming OPEC)
OPEC (the Organization of Petroleum Exporting Countries) withholding supply to drive up demand (while blaming the speculators)
The “Big Five” oil companies (blaming Supply vs. Demand)
The White House (blaming Iran)
Republican leaders in Congress (blaming the lack of offshore drilling)

– that right now you would be paying around $2.25 for a gallon of gas. $2.25. Right now. HALF of right now.

If that ain’t enough to piss ya off, chew on this: Republican Senator David Vitter from Louisiana (I’m sad to say) is sponsoring a bill that would allow the federal government to override a state’s right to decide whether it wants Exxon, Shell, BP, etc., drilling off its shores.

And when would this happen? Once the price of gas hits $5. That’s what it says in the bill. Once the price of gas hits $5. Only then could they drill… See?

You would think this might be like kind of a HUUUGE fucking incentive for the oil companies to keep driving the price right on up. Ya think?

The same companies that are willingly, unabashedly, proudly raping us, while trotting out the same old tired, insulting “Supply vs Demand” bullshit in Congressional inquiries?

The same companies we actually subsidize with our tax dollars?

The most profitable companies on the planet? Like, ever?

Want to charge us more?!

And then, on top of that — holy shit, as if that wasn’t enough – they want us to give them the right to drill wherever they want?!

Yes. For our own good. You know, to help us out at the pump. The bill is called E.N.O.U.G.H. :

Energy Needed Offshore Under Gas Hikes

Yes, that’s the actual title of the bill. I am not making this shit up. George Orwell couldn’t make this shit up.

So look for $5/gallon before Bush and a lot more skeevy Republicans in Congress are gone in January. Until then…

‘08 is E.N.O.U.G.H.

Best. Speech. Ever.

Random work research — FUNLAND!!!

Disneyland — “The Happiest Place on Earth!”

Er, well, when you’re not being terrorized around Main Street USA by giant cartoon characters…

One is going to the bathroom after this, and the other is going to Hell…

Dinner and a movie vs. ass rape

Gleaned from my days in the writers room on the Comedy Central show, Lewis Black’s Root of All Evil

(re the history of the Olympic Games)
LB: “Pancration?” The first one? Pan-fuck wha?
1: Pancration.
LB: Sounds like “mating”.
2: Well I don’t speak Greek, but I suspect that means… “ass rape”?
3: I’m guessing that doesn’t mean, “Dinner and a show.”
LB: Dinner and a show…
4: Dinner and a date?
2: Dinner and a date is good.
LB: Or a movie.
2: Dinner and a movie is good.
4: Not a date?
5: There were no cineplexes in ancient Rome…
3: Only drive-ins.
LB: They had plumbing.
6: I like “ass rape”.
7: “Bleep.”
2: Network long before.
8: “Sloppy vagina”, we can’t say “ass rape”?
2: Well, we can say “ass”, and “rape”…
5: Just not sequentially.
8: But “sloppy vagina”…
2: No verb.
1: Did they even have “ass rape” back then?
9: Survey says?
4: As long as there’s been dicks.
6: There’s always been ass rape.
1: Is there a wikipedia on “ass rape”?
3: We’re overthinking this.
LB: Which I’m guessing doesn’t mean, “Dinner and a movie.”

Room: Yeah, Yep, Mm-hm….

A lesson about life

The Comeback Kids do it yet again…

The Tigers dramatic 6-5 victory over Rice on Tuesday marked the second time in three wins in the national tournament they’ve come back from a three-run deficit in the ninth inning.

In fact, LSU has come from behind after 7 innings in 30 of its 49 wins this season.

Mainieri said he asked his players a question during their postgame huddle:

“Will they ever, ever give up in anything in their life again after seeing this?”

Their answer: “No chance.”

shining example #485297163 of how mainstream media has elephantitis of the nuts

Imagine, for a moment, that you are a journalist. It is your job to bring us the news.

Now imagine you’re in Afghanistan. You are surrounded by death, despair, and destruction. You are smack dab in the middle of a (highly unpopular) war.

Now what’s the worst news you could imagine learning? I mean, the worst news…

Imagine learning that you’re about to be taken prisoner, and the perpetrators have a proud history of beheading journalists and putting it on YouTube.

Probably the worst news you could imagine. Right?

Not if you’re Brian Williams, the Anchor and Managing Editor of the National Broadcasting Corporation’s Nightly News.

Or imagine learning that your wife back in the states just got dragged from your house, brutally raped and left for dead by an AIDS-infected escaped convict. That would would be even worse. Right?

Not if you’re Brian Williams.

Or maybe imagine learning that the governor of Iowa just declared 83 of the 99 counties disaster areas amidst the kind of flood that occurs maybe once every 500 years. Dozens of people dying and thousands others losing everything they ever had in their lives — gone. Definitely worse than the misfortunes of one man and his wife. Right?

Not if you’re Brian Williams.

Then how ’bout this: Imagine learning that a suitcase nuke just erased lower Manhattan. It would be pretty goddamned hard to imagine anything whatsoever worse than that. Right?

Nnnope. Not if you’re Brian Williams, the Anchor and Managing Editor of the National Broadcasting Corporation’s Nightly News. Then, the worst news you could imagine is THIS.

*sigh*

Mark it down: Facebook just surpassed Myspace

You could see this coming since late 2006 when Myspace started leveling off. By 2010, another networking site will have clawed its way out of the pack to surpass Facebook — bet.